#APersonalJourney #ThePowerOfInfluence

“To understand who I am, you must know the influences in my life.”
Dr Sim Quan Seng

The Question

#JennySim, my daughter, asked, “Who are the 50 people who have left the most impact on your life?” I would not go that far but I know for certain the first four. My wife Chang Yu Min, my father and mother and my ex-boss, Chay Kwok Thong, in that order. 

My Father, My Role Model

My father, Sim Soon Kwee was my #rolemodel. He was down to earth and modest, but at the same time always spoke his mind. I admired his morals. 

My Father at 87, practising his Tai Chi moves.

My father was a house builder. When he had a building project, he would tally the list of materials needed and go to the hardware shops in Pontian town, Teng Ah Kok or Soon Seng, if my memory serves me, to purchase the items. He would then hand the receipt over to the client, never taking or asking for a sen more.  

My father was the first person who showed me, through his actions, what honesty and integrity are. He also illustrated to me what it means to care for the family. 

It was his #endearinglove for my mother though that made the biggest impact and left an indelible impression on me.

This picture is a rare gem and a lucky find. My dad is in the middle (facing) and my mum is sitting to his left.
I am partially hidden, sitting to her left, peaking at the camera. The rest are family members.

My Mother, My Pillar of Strength

If there is a quote that best describes what my mother bestowed upon me, it would be, “I am strong because a strong woman raised me” by #AbrahamLincoln.

My mother, Mrs Sim, was a homemaker. She made sure we had hot meals, clean clothes and the cane, if we erred in our school work. She was very conscious of the importance of school. 

As a child, I suffered from gastritis. To relieve the pain, my mother would rub ointment on my tummy. I would pretend that the pain was worse than it actually was, just to feel her touch, to feel her love. 

She suddenly passed when I was 14. She was just 53. As I have shared often, her death was the impetus for me to buck up in school. 

We all miss her dearly, but it was my father who missed her the most. My mother came to Malaysia from the province of Guangzhou in China. When she married my father, she was 16, he was 20.

Up until his passing at the age of 99, he would religiously visit her grave during ‘Cheng Beng’, and at every visit, I would still see tears glistening in his eyes. He gave true meaning to the word faithfulness; he never took another wife.

Mr Chay Kwok Thong, an Exemplary Gentleman

Chay Kwok Thong was my boss at Mudajaya Construction Sdn. Bhd. My team and I worked under Chay for more a decade, and never once did he lose his temper or raise his voice – a rarity for a boss in construction. 

Mr and Mrs Chay Kwok Thong

Chay was Singaporean and despite working in Malaysia for such a long time, he was still unable to obtain his permanent residency status. After he resigned, Chay returned to Singapore.

One night, I received a call from a mutual friend, who informed me that that Chay was very ill. I immediately booked a flight for Singapore the next day. I never got on the flight because I received news of his passing that very night. Chay was 72.

I flew down some days later for the wake, feeling disappointed that I was unable to see him sooner and even more upset with myself for not making the time and effort to check in on him from time to time. I was asked to share a word or two about our friendship, which I did as I fought back tears. 

Chay was exemplary of a true gentleman who always spoke respectfully, even when things got heated, as it would so often do at a construction site. 

Chang Yu Min, My Soulmate and Life’s meaning

After form five, I attended a house party at a schoolmate’s house. That schoolmate was Chang Yu Min, my wife. That party was the beginning of our lives together. When I left to pursue my studies and then to work, Yu Min remained in Pontian. I remember making the countless journey back and forth from Johor Bahru to Pontian on my trusty Honda Cub to see her. Seven years after we met, we were married.

Our wedding in 1975

Yu Min is a modern day #Pollyanna. The type of person who spreads a ray of sunshine the instant she walks into a room. There are always people dropping by our house and it simply delights her when a new friend accepts an invitation for lunch or high tea. 

I consider myself an introvert – restrained, even terse at times. Yu Min taught me how to loosen up, to take time to smell the roses, as they say.  She is  selfless in her caring for others and has taught me to care through her examples. She opened my heart to feel the joy that one feels from caring for others.

My lovely wife Yu Min, the angel God sent to fill my days with love, life and laughter.
This photo was taken during our 25th Wedding Anniversary in November 2000.

Yu Min was raised in a God-fearing family and is a devout Christian. Her example of how she lives her faith paved the way for me to accept Jesus Christ in 1983 and later my baptism at the Subang Jaya Baptist Church in 1985. My father was baptised into the faith at 90, at the same church. I will share more about this experience in a later post.

Her gentleness drew me to her and she remains the most genuine person I know. Yu Min is the biggest influence in my life, and each day, she continues to show me the meaning of life. In my book Drinking Coffee, Telling Stories and Making Money, I pay Yu Min a long overdue tribute in the Acknowledgment. If you like a copy of the book, do leave me a comment below.   

Real and Grounded

Yu Min, my parents and Chay have made me realise that everyone needs someone genuine to hold on to; it keeps you real and grounded. 

I would also like to acknowledge the many persons whose influences have impacted my life and to whom I will always be grateful.

Who are the people who influence and inspire you?

Drop me a comment. I would love to hear from you. 

Have a great week ahead.

Dr Sim Quan Seng